1. Establish your values and habits early
- It is crucial to be clear about what your habits are, what you like dislike, what you are comfortable with. This is critical in any relationship, but the necessity is intensified when it is a mixed relationship because what is normal and acceptable for one person may not be for the other.
2. Don’t be overly accommodating
- A common issue that often arises is that in the beginning, one or both people in the relationship will be overly accommodating. This means that they will say yes to whatever the other person is asking, maybe because they don’t want to offend the other or they don’t want to make the other feel they are pressing their own culture on them. And before you know it months have gone by and you haven’t said anything to them about your usual habits.
- Several things can happen in the relationship when you repress your true desires. you end up feeling like you are always doing what the other person wants, you feel like they don’t appreciate the fact that you are making these sacrifices for them or you finally tell them what you do like and then they feel like you have changed suddenly.
- What I have found to be the most useful is to be honest upfront. If they ask you to do something it’s okay to say yes, but it is also okay to let them know that this is not your usual habit and share what your preferences are. This way, from the start they understand what you normally do and they also see that you are making a small sacrifice for them.
3. Don’t look at either culture as right or wrong, simply different
- When you’ve been raised to do something certain way, we often times don’t even know why we do it, we just know that’s how things are done. From how you wash the dishes to how you cook your food to how you converse with your parents. We can’t look at one way as “wrong” simply because its not your way.